Maryssa. 21. Taken<3. ΔφE. I love almost everything. Get to know meee :] ♡
I had one of the biggest emotional breakdowns in my car before I left home to drive back to school tonight. I don’t think my parents have seen me cry like that from stress, ever.
To be honest, there’s a lot going on that stresses me out.
1. Classes suck, there is so much to do in so little time and my mom keeps saying, “Just think, three weeks and it’ll be summer.”
YES, THATS THE PROBLEM! THREE WEEKS AND I HAVE A TWO PAGE LIST OF SHIT TO DO AND FINALS HAVEN’T EVEN BEGUN!
2. Is it just me or has anyone else felt an overwhelming feeling of confusion when it comes to life? Did you make the right choices? Have you decided what to make of your life? Should you even make plans? Everything is constantly changing in this world so lets not get our hopes up so our hearts can be shattered into a million tiny pieces, am I right?
Everyone says, “Live it up” “Your twenties are about making mistakes, and learning from them.”
But what if EVERYTHING is a mistake? What if every life choice, ever decision was wrong? You only have a hundred years to live and that isn’t much.
I want to travel the world, experience all these things that are so far outside my comfort zone and my culture.
I want to get married to the love of my life and have a family which I can teach about all these experiences of culture and love that I have witnessed from my adventuring the world.
I hate being a wound up tight ball of stress, ready to pop at any second.
I can’t enjoy college because there is so much stress to pass stupid tests. Tests that determine if you will ever be successful. Yet, these tests are created to be difficult. Almost everyone I know has failed these tests millions of times, obviously something is wrong, and its not with us.
All this scares me. My future, my life, all depends on the steps that I take. But what if I take a step and I should have taken another one? What if I have spent too long sitting in one spot and wasted all this time and miss out on the chances and opportunities that I want to have so badly?
I know I’m still young, and anyone would tell me that I have plenty of time, but I want stability. I want to know that everything is okay, and it ABSOLUTELY KILLS ME that I have no control over where my future is headed.
It all relies on people and things that couldn’t give two shits about me and my situation, THAT breaks my heart.
You give so much to sometimes get so little.
Please, I know, that is the roller coaster of life, you never know what’s going to happen and thats the adventure. But its not a fun adventure to know that there is one chance that can make or break you and you don’t know which one you chose.
I don’t want to be rich, I don’t want to have all these fancy things. Although they’re nice and perks to life. I just want to be happy and I want to make people happy.
I know that I can do that.
But how am I suppose to make others happy when I can’t even control myself and my emotions?
How am I suppose to love someone unconditionally, to the point where I can share my success, failures, laughter, tears and everything in between with them?
How is really the question…
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